Vienna

            “There is no way that Elton John is coming to Bratislava. It’s got to be an interpreter or something,” said Kyle. “Oh, I see,” I replied. “So that 2 finger salute isn’t really peace signs; he’s making air quotes around himself. Like “Elton John” is “coming” to Slovakia.”

            This was our deep conversation heading to the hostel the night prior to our trip to Vienna. The morning we left, Kyle said, “I had a dream that Elton John died, and I turned to you and said, ‘I was right! He’s not coming to Bratislava!’”

            So started our day. It had already started getting hot, and it was in the mid-90s throughout most of the day. Fortunately, in Slovakia, certain pieces of clothing are optional, especially when the heat index rises. Like pants. My favorite outfit of the day was a guy wearing boxer shorts and a puffy “MartyMcFly” vest on the train.

            We got off in Vienna, and started our day of hot, sticky sight-seeing.

            I once again asked Kyle for his impressions, and eventually got the word “ornate” out of him, which I would agree is accurate. Everywhere you turn in Vienna, there’s another beautiful building. One has to refrain oneself from taking too many pictures. The city does not necessarily feel very modern, and it doesn’t share many other cities’ love-affairs with what Kyle calls “hunks” of modern art (with the notable exception of one that makes strange sounds in front of a war memorial). Instead, it has a very clean, light, and airy feel to it, with its wider streets and many sandstone and whitewashed buildings. Another thing that Kyle noticed was that the further east we’ve gone, the less culturally diverse the cities have become.

            The sites we explored started with Belvedere Palace and grounds, which was breathtaking. Kyle’s take: “What kind of backyard is this? All you can do is stand in an inch of water in a reflecting pool and look at your weird grass and puking horse fountains.”

            We continued by looking at the Vienna museum, as well as the Haus der Musik and opera house, before walking down Karntnerstrasse to see St. Stephan’s Cathedral (always amazing), the plague memorial, and St. Peter’s (which was beautiful). Here is what it’s like touring with Kyle: “See, you don’t get to see this on a George tour. Of course, you might also see a bunch of side streets, and stuff you don’t really want to see, …is that a mullet on that skateboard?”

            By this time, we were hungry, so we decided to go to lunch at the Goulasch Museum, Kyle had mushroom goulash, and I had…horse goulash with a drippy fired egg and dumpling. I was so hungry; I could have eaten a horse. So I did. And it was delicious. (One odd thing about lunch was the Asian woman a couple of tables over who took the tablecloth and wrapped it around herself. We don’t know why. Was she chilly in the 90 degree heat? Did she forget to wear a shirt? Did she think it was a giant napkin? “Guess that’s what you do in a fancy restaurant,” said Kyle.)

            After lunch, we went to see the Hofsburg Palace and the Spanish Riding School (and see the ‘we will beat the living daylights out of anyone who messes with us’ statue). We then decide to explore the Imperial Crypts. Kyle goes up to the ticket booth, says, “Two adults, please.” The middle-aged man gets up, climbs down, and leaves the ticket booth. Kyle gives me a look like, “What did I do?” He then comes around and gives Kyle a handshake and me a hug and says, “Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is nice to meet you.” Then he returned to his booth and sells us the tickets. So…that was different. I still have no idea why I got a hug from the Crypt Keeper.

            Call me morbid, but the crypts really were fascinating, seeing all of those ornately decorated coffins, the newest of which was interred in 2011, with most of them dating back 100s of years (we even saw the famous Sisi’s).

            We then explored the Museum Quartier for awhile, including the Natural History Museum and the Leopold Museum. We saw Vienna’s rathaus (or town hall) and parliament building, as well as the theater.

            Finally, we made our long, loonngg walk back to see Schoenbrun. This completely pooped me out, and if it wasn’t for the appearance of miraculous free Fanta, and a tiny strawberry ice cream cone I purchased with Kyle, I probably wouldn’t have made it.

            We trekked to the metro, which took us to the train station. When we got back to Bratislava, we purchased a box of ice cream from the corner store, grabbed two spoons, and ate the whole thing, right out of the packaging. Good dinner.